Wednesday, November 21, 2012

UPDATE Day 25 Chemo and Radiology


Dear Friends,

I continued to be in very, amazingly good health, filled with my heart, and am in ecstatic of Divine of Spirit. I am blessed and filled gratitudes more than I ever imagined could possibly happen in my life. Your prayers, love and light have been key to the health of my health, my spirit, heart and body.

You have given support, listen to my story, gave me rides, helped me with a moving sale, took over a beautiful puppy now yours, mirrored back love and light, and offered prayers, prayers prayers, love and encouragement.

I thank you from my heart. My heart sings and heart dances you in the blessing of having you as part of my life. We are part of the Beloved Community together today building the new world together.

I have five more days of chemo and radiology and will wrap that up at the end of November. Both my oncologist and radiologist have given positive reports about my health. We expect that I will return to normal in the Jan-February time-frame. We expect that once my brain swelling decreases at the conclusion of radiology and that I expect to regain any  language issues that will regain neural pathways as new one growth. Today, I still have some minor language issues now, but are mostly impact as from being tired.


I plan to return to Marylhurst University’s Interfaith Seminary program in the coming January Winter term and hope to return in previous roles at the Unitarian Universalist Church in Eugene (worship associate, board member) as time allows.

Hugs, Love and Light to all of you whom I know and sending them back to you!

Marilyn




Update from Treatment


October, 2012

You’ve been asking how I am. Here is a much needed and very happy update about my current health, heart and spirit. 


As you know, on August 24, 2012, I underwent brain tumor re-sectional surgery to remove a complete malignant Stage 4 Glioma Blastoma (tumor located behind and above my left ear). On Thursday, October, 18, 2012, I began simultaneous six weeks of both oral daily chemo and radiation (M-F) therapies to make sure that they got any “floating” cells!


Although my energies are not at my usual levels and I am reserving my energies, I can report that after day 9 of radiology that I am feeling well, happy, and in very high spirits!


As many of you know, that my mother Pat, from Michigan has been here since August 23, 2012. In addition to her support of me for treatment, meals, and emotion support. One of the most amazing outcomes is a relationship with my most wonderful beautiful Mother. I’ve not spent more than a week with her since I was 18 years old. Now that I am at 54, I can report that my Mom is very strong and patient (she says she’s a “tough old bird”). We are experiencing a deepening of our relationship. What an unexpected and powerful blessing!!


Many of you have asked to see me.  If I were not currently in the process of assisting Mom to prepare my former house to sell, as I go through all my stuff (way too much), prepare an estate/moving sale on Nov 9-11, and prepare the space of my new studio in the home of wonderful friend Elizabeth Willis’, and going to regular recovery meetings, I would be meeting with all of you hanging out and showing you how well I am really, really doing! I am experienced in the Love and Light of the Divine, through all of you – those of you close, those of you from a distance, and all of those from the other world providing amazing support.


As I let loose of the one trapeze, I hoped to eventually be able to catch the next one. Change is hard. But not knowing what is next can even more difficult. In my process of surrender, letting go, and turning it over to the Goddess/God/Creator, I find that there is always more than I personally could ever have envisioned for me, my future, and the ministry that I plan to continue in January of 2013.

Diagnosis, Surgery and my New Life


August 2012

I have been living with my wonderful friend Elizabeth for about seven weeks starting in early July 2012. I was camping back yard in Elizabeth’s living in my pop-up camper by longing and choice. I have been considering it a little seven week vacation. I have loved camping in Elizabeth’s back yard. It has been really healing and beautiful experience for me. It may sound silly, but I have loved it.

As you may not know, but I have been having some cognitive impairment for the last month. It had been chalked up to PAWS (Post Alcoholic Withdrawn Syndrome). I am (November) now almost 6 months sober again. Clearly in the pulpit as a worship associate on Sunday, August 19th many in church heard my language difficulties with language. Even on that day, it was a long and wonderful day with all of you that day in church. I was in full “Hummingbird” mode of the sipping the nectar of all of your sweetness.

When I got home after church, I worked with Elizabeth working around the yard and it felt good after not trying to talk. But at one point, I stopped being able to talk at all, with the exception of the ability to cuss. Probably not the best result of a seminarian. Thank good that Elizabeth and I have a psychic connection; she was able to understand my signs and pictures I sent to here. Elizabeth finally convinced me to go to the hospital. I had excellent care from many, but a favorite memory of the ER triage nurse to laugh and cuss with me as we figured out what to do with me. My inability to speak lasted about 2-3 hours. I experienced is a type of seizure, but only impacts speech. River Bend physicians quickly established that it was not a stroke. River Bend swiftly moved me to an MRI. An MRI immediately reviewed a tumor.

I viewed the MRI when the physician came in and quickly brought in a surgeon specialist in neurology. The tumor was located above the left temporal ear (think “cell phone” location with a mysterious image that appears as a miniature cell phone in the center of the tumor…. no really, but they won’t let me have a picture of that, as much as I’d like to share with you). The tumor was a 3 cm sized tumor (about the size of a silver dollar).

A respected fellowshipped surgeon Dr. Angeles is outstanding and has practiced only brain surgery for many years. She spent 3.5 hours originally planned for 2 hours of surgery, and she got it all! The tumor was diagnosised as a malignant, a stage 4, Glioma Blastoma. Chemo and radiology in currently in process to get all the floating cells miss October through the end of November. Generally the diagnosis for this type of (removed) tumor is about 18-24 months. I’ve heard of those who live at least 20+ years. But then we are all terminal, and I expect to live a long time! I have a lot of things to learn and do and share, so I expect to be here to continue me work.

I had a bit trouble with speaking, aloud reading. Short words is a challenging giving up my 3-6 syllables; I’ve learned that  I had huge vocabulary and a lot of pride about using it. So instead, I stumble myself over the silly words I can’t say correctly. Visual words “look” right in my brain, but come out of my mouth differently than what comes out. I continue to relearn some words – they get “rusty” I’ve not used them in a few days. I can do numbers well and directions for my drivers. I have been practicing many words I want to relearn, like “trapeze.” Isn’t that a fabulous word for me today after the mediation from Rev. Don’s first Sunday with us at UUCE?

I had been reading an Audio book by Thomas Moore, called “Dark Night of the Soul” where he shares the story of Jonas. I have had to read it several times to understand it.  So I have made friends with the metaphor of living in the belly of the whale like Jonas, especially that MRI tube. It makes me giggle to think of living in the belly of a whale. It’s warm womb like as well.

Writing is helpful and keeps me focused and helps me to remember words and communication. If you have more questions, please do ask them. Please be patient with me while my brain misfires and I grow new neural pathways at the conclusion of chemo and radiology.

I am blessed to so many friends (my amazing Mom Pat from Michigan, Elizabeth, Jade and others) who continue to support to me. So many many friends that I can’t name all, the thousands of cards, emails, texts, phone calls and PRAYERS!

Mom has stayed in my former Cardiff stayed since August-November (date yet to be dated). She has completely remodeled this house to prepare it to sale. The now ready-move 12 year, 2,300 sq ft home, has been completely painted and remodeled top to bottom, inside and outside. We hope that this beautiful much loved home sells just in time for Christmas.


Wednesday, December 7, 2011

U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton's speech Highlighting the UN General Assembly’s 1948 Universal Declaration of Human Rights

Today I am incredibly grateful for Hillary Clinton's speech yesterday in Geneva. U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton delivered an amazing, beautiful, wise, and some say, historic, speech on LGBT rights around the world, acknowledging “that my own country’s record on human rights for gay people is far from perfect.”


Watch: Hillary Clinton's Amazing Speech On LGBT Rights - Full Text And Video 

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Spiritual Life Review, Part #1


Hello friends of my blog,

As a Unitarian Universalist Seminary student hoping to go into ministry, I am in the process of writing several versions of my “Life Story”. Each of these LIFE STORIES serves a specific purpose but should be in alignment:

  1. Marylhurst University M.Div cohort course: Pastoral and Spiritual Identity: In our final class, we shared our life stories aloud from the Third person perspective, in seven minutes or less. My Heroine's story is entitled “No Longer a Stranger in a Strange Land”.
  2. Also for Pastoral and Spiritual Identity, our final assignment is a 20 page reflection paper telling our life story, with discernment about our formation in the Myers-Briggs Personality TYPE as well our Enneagram Type.
  3. Marylhurst University M.Div cohort course: Pastoral and Spiritual Frameworks. This course requires a 20-page reflection paper about our theological frame.
  4. For application to the Unitarian Universalist Association's Ministerial Fellowship Committee considered as an Aspirant for Unitarian Universalist ministry, I must also write a life story.
As a result, I am reviewing my life story, with particular attention to my many spiritual, nominal, awakening experiences.

This week, the particular experience that keeps coming back to me is the seven years that I spent at the Academy for Psychic Studies / Spiritual Rights Foundation in Berkeley from 1984 until I left on January 13, 1991. I first encountered this SRF while attending a course at John F. Kennedy University in Orinda, California on Mysticism. I didn't actually encounter SRF at JFKU, but the course in Mysticism whetted my longing, my yearning, and my intense desire to "find my teacher".

This course had a recurring theme that: "when the student is ready the teacher will appear". While I was participating in this course, I responded to an advertisement in the Berkeley, California free newspaper (Eugene, Oregon's equivalent of the Eugene Weekly) for a free psychic reading. I was preparing to change jobs after five years and hope for a FREE inspirational opportunity.

What I got was not at all what I expected! The three individuals who "read" my "energy" in a "psychic reading" repeatedly told me that the "pictures" in my "aura" suggested that I was a healer and should learn concrete techniques for using this ability to "heal" others.

Wow, that blew me away... and so they began the process of reeling me and recruiting me to become a first a beginning student, then a student in the clairvoyant training program, then ordained and on to take minister's classes interpreting the the Gospels, one book at a time.

I thought I was going to learn to help others. What I learned instead was how to give the Founder and his two wives all my money.


One of the key ingredients for me in healing from this experience (21 years after the fact) is a blog by Mike, another former SRF student, who came after I left. Mike's blog with comments from other SRF and Berkeley Psychic Institute survivors  has revealed to me that the entire experience was a mind-poisoning brain-washing exercise in following the teachings of L.Ron Hubbard, of Scientology fame. 

I have been searching for a long time. And hopefully now, I've found the right path for me. More to come.
   

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Spirituality in Practice


During a Return to the place of my first Vision Quest in Shadow Mountains, in March 1998, I asked my dear wise friend Sara Fishersmith how it is possible to both be in the moment, and plan for the future.

Sara looked at me as if I were insane, then channeled the following wisdom, which has stayed with me and served me well as a spiritual practice:

1. Breathe

2. Stay in the moment

3. Release expectations

4. Keep your heart open

This channeling took place in the little town of Tecopa, at the Inyo National Park Hot Springs (Sacred Native American Land), nestled between the Mojave Desert and Death Valley. A magical, mystical place, if ever there was one.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IYP7aLypT8E&feature=player_embedded

Engaging Our Theological Diversity

From Sunday, 13 November 2011

How do we engage our Theological Diversity? Among UUs, personal experience is considered the most important source of religious conviction. How do we deepen and clarify our theological understanding of personal experience individually and collectively? How might we explore how our individual personal experiences become Unitarian Universalist religious convictions?

Podcast: http://www.uueugene.org/audiopodcasts/388-engaging-our-theological-diversity

There is this really interesting phenomenon that happens when one comes out of their Spiritual closet. It’s similar in some ways – but different in others – to coming out of that other closet I came out of 18 years ago. It’s similar in that I’m often asked to tell when I first got the call – my “coming out” story”. It’s different in that eventually everyone’s heard your Queer “coming out” story. I’m just starting to tell my Spiritual “coming out” story and must always remember and stoke the fire in my heart of my spirit, lest I forget.

I’ve been in the “maybe I should be a minister when I grow up” closet since I was a teenager. That’s a long time to be in a closet – for me, almost 40 years.

Over the coming months and years as I attend graduate school at Marylhurst University, study for my Masters in Divinity, and jump through the UUA’s Ministerial Fellowship Committee’s hoops, I hope to share my journey with you. Why share it you ask? Good question. I share it with YOU because it is HERE – in this place – that the fire of my spirit grew too big to live in the closet any more.

I’ve always known that I loved creating and participating in worship, but once I started doing it here six years ago, you started telling me that YOU like it when I create and participate in worship. You are my family. You are my community. You will always be my Home Church. You are the ones that nudged me out of this comfortable nest. Thank you. Thank you! From the bottom of my heart, I ask you, please go on this journey with me!

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So you might ask, what does my Spiritual “Coming Out” story have to do with our topic today: Engaging our Theological Diversity? A lot. I’m not attending a UU Seminary. I am attending a Catholic University, which offers an Interfaith Master’s Degree in Theology. I get to look at theology – the world’s religions – through a really big lens. I agreed to speak with you on this topic months ago, before I knew that I would have to create an Hermeneutic – an experiential sharing of my theology – as an assignment this term. Serendipitous? I think not.

By now, most have you have already figured out that I’m not an Atheist, an Agnostic, or a Secular Humanist. I don’t consider myself a Christian, but I am definitely a Theist – a person who believes in God. I believe in a Universal Spirit, a Universal Life Force, a Great Spirit, a Higher Power, or a Spirit of Life, which I refer to as “The Divine". This “DIVINE” contains the entire Web of Life in which we all live, move and have our being. You will probably be hearing more about my Theist perspective as we journey together.

In one of our summer services, Anna Sontag and I shared stories about some amazing UU Women. We left out many, because there were just too many women and not enough time. But I promised you that I would share more with you about one of these women – Thandeka – that I found very intriguing.

Thandeka is cited by Gary Dorrien, the author of The Making of American Liberal Theology, as one of our most influential contemporary – that means she’s still LIVING – Unitarian Universalist theologians. The Rev. Dr. Thandeka is senior research professor at Meadville Lombard Theological School in Chicago. She was given the !Xhosa name Thandeka, which means "BELOVED," by Archbishop Desmond Tutu in 1984. In 2000, Thandeka was married to her life partner, The Rev. Naomi King – daughter of the noted and prolific horror writer, Stephen King – in a UU ceremony.

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So, how do we engage our Theological Diversity? Among UUs, personal experience is considered the most important source of religious conviction. How do we deepen and clarify our theological understanding of personal experience individually and collectively? How might we explore how our individual personal experiences become Unitarian Universalist religious convictions?

At the 1999 Unitarian Universalist General Assembly, Thandeka argued that it is the contradictory view of human nature at the core of Unitarian Universalist beliefs that has made it difficult for contemporary UU’s to be unified theologically, and thus unable to replenish ourselves and create a vital religion that holds and engages its young people. She said that it was the Unitarian emphasis on reason at the expense of the embodied feeling self versus the greater integration of mind, body and feelings represented in Universalist theology that is particularly problematic.

Thandeka says, “We come together – to re-imagine God. When two or three are gathered ... there is She among us. [But] when we re-imagine the sacred, we have to re-imagine ourselves as well." She believes that "we live in toxic environments – toxic for both soul and body." They are toxic because they teach us "to believe that at core we are unlovable." To create a new sacred community "we must re-imagine ourselves as the sacred vessels we are." To build community, we must "resurrect the broken, tortured aspect of our selves."

Thandeka encouraged Covenant Groups to "hear one another into speech." Offering clear spiritual dimension, these rituals provide a time for attending to the meeting of body, mind and spirit, and bring together the interior and exterior dimensions of the lives of the participants. Sound familiar?

In 2000 Thandeka said that Covenant Groups provide a setting in which people can begin to overcome the toxicity and racism that have "broken us," because they create safe places where we can "be who we are, be healthy, vibrant freedom fighters, freedom workers ... where we can cry the tears of the pain, the unspeakable pain from the murders of our own histories." There groups allow us to become "un-stuck," she added, "so we can become reborn." ("We Who Believe in Freedom", a report from the Re-Imagining Gathering, by Doug King, 11/01/2000)

In The Language of Reverence: Deepening the Conversation, Thandeka goes on to say "We are¬ in pain, alone, lost and loved. It is love that sustains us in the midst of the pain, aloneness and lostness." Yet we are all connected, interconnected, and come into being. We “cannot be a self alone… It is like the recipe for chocolate cake. The recipe includes flour, sugar, butter, chocolate, and milk, but there is no 'chocolate cake' in chocolate cake. It is the interbeing of all these ingredients that creates chocolate cake, just like it is the interbeing of life that creates human beings."

What is crucial, and constant, is the feeling of being held with affirming passion, compassion, and experience of the incarnational moment of the universe. "It is the melody of our inner life that is our soul-rhythm, pause, movement, sound, silence, space, interval and measure make the music of our lives that is the spirit of life. Our reverence for life exists in love and created community, and in these relationships we can heal. UUs are seeking new words to remind us of what we already know. The power that sustains can help us heal and transform the world." (From The Language of Reverence: Deepening the Conversation, GA 2004 )

Thandeka says that “we have been looking inside our minds for the right foundational idea for liberal religion.” She argues instead that “our foundation is an actual living fact of our lives, which is felt affectively and then displayed rationally through articulation of these affective personal experiences.” (From UU WORLD, Talking about reverence, March/April 2005 03/01/05)

The 2005 UUA Commission on Appraisal Report, called "Engaging Our Theological Diversity," found that "almost universally among UUs, personal experience is considered the most important source of religious conviction." The report called for "theological literacy," and invited us to deepen and clarify our theological understanding of personal experience "individually and collectively."

Thandeka advocates that we do two things to reach this goal: “We must investigate what personal experience means for us today as Unitarian Universalists and we must explore how our individual personal experiences become Unitarian Universalist religious convictions.” Our personal faith as Unitarian Universalists begins with our own life experiences.

She says we must do two things: We must investigate what personal experience means for us today as Unitarian Universalists and we must explore how our individual personal experiences become Unitarian Universalist religious convictions.

What is it about personal experience that not only establishes the common ground of our Unitarian Universalist faith convictions as one religious people, but also, at the same time, shows us how our amazing theological diversity is able to thrive?

Unitarian Universalist theists cite personal experience to affirm the sanctity of God. Unitarian Universalist humanists, on the other hand, use personal experience to affirm the sanctity of human life. Others among us use personal experiences to affirm their Pagan, Buddhist, agnostic, Christian, or Jewish claims about the fundamental nature, value, and meaning of their lives. Others use personal experience to define themselves simply as Unitarian Universalist. So what binds us together? What weaves us into a tapestry? Could that be something like Small Group Ministry?

What is Small Group Ministry? These small groups are an opportunity to connect with others who wish to explore their values and ideas of spirituality in an intimate setting, and who wish to make a difference together through service to the church or the larger community. These groups meet some basic needs: They answer a yearning to explore what it means to be human in relation to the universe; to find meaning in existence; to find friends and a community of trust.

Through Small Group Ministry we have the opportunity to experience on a multitude of levels:
1. We listen and share spiritual questions & personal experience in an environment of trust & intimacy
2. We continue to develop and articulate our personal beliefs
3. We feel a sense of belonging to the church community
4. We meet new people, develop deep and lasting connections
5. We give meaning and joy to our lives as we participate in service to our community
6. We listen, as well as share, as a way of engaging each member’s participation.
7. We connect in a meaningful way with other members and friends of our church community

SGM topics for the sessions are a means of getting to know each other. As each person speaks their own truth, and as each person listens to another’s truth, their connections deepen. This spiritual and social connection, by which we measure our sense of belonging, is the purpose of the SGM Program. (adapted from the UUCE SGM Pamphlet)

UUCE has had a Small Group Ministry Program since 2004.

The theme for UUCE’s 2012 Small Group Ministry program is “Building Community”. That’s perfect, don’t you think?

A description of this year’s SGM program follows:

• “We will be sharing about how we as individuals attempt to meet our own needs, and
• how well we meet the needs of others in our communities.
• We will also consider how our communities operate, and
• how well our communities and the individuals in them meet our needs.
• Additionally, we will look at how it may increase understanding to consider what needs people are trying to meet by different belief systems and practices.” END QUOTE

So again the question, what binds us together?

Thandeka's more recent response to this question is: “We love beyond belief. Our liberal faith tradition encourages us to embrace persons rather than creeds, and so we endeavor ever anew as Unitarian Universalists to love others beyond their own beliefs. Our Sunday morning worship services and small group ministry programs endeavor ever anew to create an ethos of care and compassion in which we feel loved beyond belief. This is why our personal experience of love beyond belief is the binding principle of our faith. It is the major source of our religious unity and our theological diversity”, says Thandeka.

In her essay, The Life of Small Group Ministries, Thandeka concludes:
“This “beyondness” that is present when two or more persons meet is the sacred ground of power and transformation that small group ministry reveals. What is it? It is life itself, the affective power of the human organism, the ideational power of the human mind to relate meaning back to the human experience of encounter, and mutual power, which is the cradle of human renewal. It is the place where you and I meet as We.

What then, in sum, is our own most direct answer to the question: Why do small group ministries transform Unitarian Universalists? Our answer: They regenerate the power of our bodies to feel the presence of others as the natal hour of everything living in religion. The source of this regenerating power is life itself, ever new.”

Recently the Unitarian Universalist Association president, The Reverend Peter Morales, started a blog. The first installment explained how he came up with the title of his blog – Beyond Belief. Morales says: “It stems from my conviction that religion is not primarily about what we believe. In America, the first question we tend to ask about a religious group is “What do they believe?” and we differentiate among religions based on our broad understanding of their beliefs.

Yet belief – in the sense of agreeing on what is “true” – is a modern preoccupation. Morales says, “For me, religion is much more about what we love, about what we hold sacred, about what moves us at the core of our being. President Morales has argued that belief is the enemy of religion. He says that when we focus on beliefs alone, we get argumentative; and that is at the least tiresome and can be more often dangerous.

This new blog by our religious leader is about a religion beyond our beliefs. Morales goes on to say, “It is about how we treat one another, about how we live our lives, about the connections we make and the difference we make. And if religion is ultimately about what we love, then “faith” is not so much about what we think is true – or hope is true, despite lack of evidence – but about being faithful to what we love.” (Reflections from UUA President, Peter Morales, http://president.blogs.uua.org/2011/10/25/welcome-2, 10/25/2011).

So back to that question I posed at the beginning? How do we engage our Theological Diversity? Maybe that question has lost its importance. Maybe we need to consider what Rev. Morales has suggested and share what we love, share what we hold sacred, share what moves us at the core of our being. Small Group Ministry is the ideal environment for this sharing.

I suggest that if you’ve not already done so, please see Dick Loescher in the social hall after the service and sign up to join one of UUCE’s 2012 Small Group Ministry circles. Today is the final day to sign up.

UUCE’s Small Group Ministry program is used as a model in our larger association, primarily the result of the work done by our own Dick Loescher. They’ve even tried to recruit Dick to their board, but he declines as he’s very busy with his work right here, with us.

I’ve participated in three Small Group Ministries and I highly recommend that you try them out if you’ve not already.

In joining a Small Group Ministry, you may have the opportunity to engage your theological diversity, but more importantly, you will have the opportunity to share what you love, share what you hold sacred, and share what moves you at the core of your being.

And along the way, you are certain to make new friends and add your threads to our tapestry – the web of community which we are weaving here at UUCE.